Unity Ember Hughes - home birth story

 Before I forget how it all happened, I'd better write it down. It's amazing how only one week later my memory of all of the sensations of labor have already dulled. There are moments I will never forget, and other moments I'd never remember if we hadn't snapped a few photos.

Preface - I realize, I have not updated my blog since I last wrote about our journey through infertility. That was written in September of 2020. We were working through how to wait patiently on the Lord and discern what to do in the waiting. We decided we needed to first work on moving into a bigger space where we would have room for a baby. Our little studio apartment had been a huge blessing, but it was time. We figured we would start fertility treatment at the end of the summer when we were settled into a new house and done with all of our summer travels. In February we started the process to get pre-approved for a house, in March we got our pre-approval letter - and a positive pregnancy test. We never did end up doing any fertility treatments. I know how news like that hits a person struggling with infertility. While we were trying to conceive, every time a friend announced they "accidentally" got pregnant or successfully got pregnant without needing any treatment, it was like a dagger in my heart. Even now I still wrestle with a jealousy over those who get their babies so easily. Getting pregnant didn't make it easier to handle that kind of news. But I will say, and I hope this brings encouragement to my friends who are in that place, on this side of things, with our baby in my arms, the 2.5 years that felt like an eternity of waiting and wrestling now feels like just a blink in our lives. I can't believe we were just the 2 of us for a whole 3.5 years of marriage before we became the 3 of us. And I truly believe God's timing was perfect for bringing our daughter into our lives. We are so happy with our new home, and we are stable in our jobs and other commitments. Wait patiently for the Lord. He is good.

That said, without further ado, here is the story of the day Unity Ember made her appearance.

Discretion advised: I'm just going to tell it like it happened. If you don't want any graphic details, tap out here. Not that I intend on being super graphic, but it is a birth story after all, and I'm sharing a few pictures. There's really only one way these stories go haha.

The day before labor started, all was calm and quiet. People asked me all throughout the day whether I felt like baby was coming soon or not. I had no idea. I told them that all I knew was that it wouldn't be today. I was surprised how many people were surprised to see me. One day shy of 40 weeks pregnant - What else was I going to do but keep busy with life until little miss baby was ready to come? And I was as prepped as I felt I could be - nesting ✔, mom and sister flew into town ✔, walking daily (or almost daily) ✔, doing the exercises my doulas recommended from Spinning Babies ✔, drinking red raspberry leaf tea ✔, eating dates ✔, taking Evening Primrose Oil (2 different routes 😉) ✔, paperwork for maternity leave ✔... you get the idea. Nothing left but to just have a baby.

After a relaxing but somewhat full day, we stayed up a little later than intended and went to bed around midnight - nothing was happening. 2am I woke up to pee, which was happening every night of my ninth month of pregnancy, but usually I'd make it a little further into the night than 2am. I noticed some Braxton Hicks, which I had been noticing more lately whenever my bladder was full, so I didn't think anything of it. Went back to bed. 4am I woke up to pee again. Rare that I wake up twice, so close together. More Braxton Hicks too but a little more uncomfortable than usual. Didn't think anything of it. Peed and back to sleep. The next time I woke up was 5:20am and I was much more uncomfortable. I couldn't possibly have to pee again. I tried to fall back asleep as I got more comfortable and then I started to get more uncomfortable again. Oh. It's dawning on me, maybe these "Braxton Hicks" are coming in waves. I know what "waves" mean.

I pulled out the contractions app on my phone and started tracking - every 5:30 minutes lasting 1-1:30 minutes, very regular. About 6am, Samuel twitched so I asked softly if he was awake. To my surprise, he was. I told him, "I think I'm having contractions... for about an hour now." He was very awake now, although completely calm. We laid there together until 7am when I let my mom and my sister know what was going on.

The morning marched on slowly from there. We let the midwife and doulas know what was up and then ate breakfast and breathed through contractions as they became a little more uncomfortable. By 11am, I had to know if this was all for nothing or if my body was really working on helping a baby descend. My midwife checked me and to my surprise I was 3-4cm dilated and 80% effaced, baby was -2 station. I was mentally preparing for much less progress since everything had been pretty mild overall so far. So I was thrilled.

Over the next few hours we just chilled through the contractions. Sometimes napping lightly, sometimes walking. Around 2pm we checked again and I was 7cm, and by 4:30pm I was 10cm! Things had just moved right along and I was really pleased with how the day was going. By this time the contractions were much stronger. One was so strong it lasted way longer and made me throw up. Birth teams are a weird bunch because this excited them haha They knew we were in transition. I was really hoping transition would be mean 30-60 minutes of pushing and then - Voila! Baby. Unfortunately, I dilated so fast that my tissues still had a lot of stretching to do before I could push out a baby, and she still had quite a bit of descending to do.

Around 5ish I felt the urge to push and I let my body take me into pushing mode. I was already tired from a late night and very interrupted sleep, and then pushing zapped it out of me. I wanted to sit still and rest as much as possible between contractions but then resting only spaced the contractions out. It's not like I was in a good situation for a great nap haha #naturalchildbirthprobs. So instead I spent a slow 2.5 hours on fairly ineffective pushing. Baby was descending but only very slowly. It was only at that point that I started to experience what a productive push felt like. I don't know quite how to describe it other than that I had felt like was pushing against a wall and then suddenly I felt like I was pushing through something. But it's like 7:30pm and I was completely exhausted. I had no desire to eat, certain it would just come back up. My team stayed on me to keep me hydrated and scooped bites of high protein yogurt into my mouth when I'd let them. When the protein and electrolytes finally hit I'd have little bursts of energy and push really good, but then I'd run out of energy and slow down again. Every time I changed positions the contractions would ramp up, but then I think subconsciously I'd start resisting them and would try to find the most "comfortable" position which would slow them down.

We tried every birthing position known to mankind to help baby keep moving. We thought baby might be stuck on my pubic bone for a while, and then eventually, in a new position we pushed (literally) past it. Somewhere between 8:30 and 9pm baby was really crowning, but my perineum would not let her pass. She sat there for what felt like forever, and if there had been a way to quit at that point I would have taken it. But there's really no going back. I remember asking if midwives do episiotomies and if that was still an option. No one budged. We were so close. It's a tricky place to be in because everything was so swollen down there at this point, and normally you could massage the perineum to help it stretch, but massaging can also cause more swelling. We were running out of ideas. No more positions to try, just need the tissue to relax (or tear haha).

We decided to try to get back in the bath tub a little after 9pm. For a few moments it was just Samuel and I alone in the bathroom. It was peaceful, and in between contractions I felt so calm with him and could relax. Let me mention here that Samuel was a champ - by my side the whole time, and often he was part of the different positions I was trying. I swoon when I think about the strength my man gave me, the calm he maintained, the love and affirmation he provided. Every day I think I couldn't love him more, and then I do. ❤

Anyways, I didn't realize how much I had tensed up my whole body from the hours of laboring and pushing, and I was so stuck in my head focusing on facing the contractions and the pain. But in the tub I could release it for a moment. I gently massaged the tissue around my baby's crowning head and breathed slowly. After one of the contractions Samuel said he thought we finally made a little progress on the head. So the team all came back in to check - skeptically, truthfully haha, because there hadn't been much progress for a while and it was tiny. But sure enough, I pushed again and there appeared to be slight movement. A couple more pushes and her head finally slipped out. Another big push or two and her shoulders emerged and then the rest of her body rushed out. That was the best feeling ever. Samuel caught her and brought her right up to my chest. I still couldn't believe this little person was (and is) my daughter. We announced her name. Unity Ember Hughes. Samuel cut her cord after a few minutes, and then he rocked her and sang to her while the ladies got me cleaned up and helped me to the bed. A little while later I (hesitantly) felt the urge to push again and delivered the placenta. That was the second best feeling. Third best feeling was realizing we were done. We made it. Nearly 15 hours of labor, 5 hours of pushing. Don't talk to me about subsequent children. Haha but really, one week later, I'd do it all over again. I've already forgotten how it felt in the middle. I only remember how good it felt when she came out.

We named her Unity Ember to reflect our hope and desire for her future and ours. We live in very divisive times. In the last couple of years many of us have lost friends and family over differences in opinions. We grieve over these losses and would like to think these differences shouldn't be insurmountable, but unfortunately our feelings have not always been reciprocated. But we never lose hope. We believe unity can be achieved even if all that's left of a relationship is an ember. We have hope because we have faith in a Savior who rose above the insurmountable in each of us and changed the course of history forever with His love, His grace, and His sacrifice. We want to be the best students of Him that we can be. We hope our precious Unity Ember can be part of how God brings hope and healing to all we meet. And we look forward to a day when we will be part of the sweetest communion and in perfect unity with God our Father, Jesus His Son, and His Holy Spirit.