"I'm listening, but are you?" - God

In my last post I was trying to make sense of a lot of what seemed to me to be unanswered prayers. I resolved to be thankful for my unmet expectations and I found a good side to every part of the equation. But I wouldn't say that my resolve necessarily resolved every issue. I think the best part of learning to be thankful for those things was that it got me to shut up and stop complaining. haha It reminded me that God is God and I am not, and He is a good God. That's a really great place to be in because I think it allowed me to finally listen to God rather than just talk at Him.

So I adjusted back to the landscape of the Great Plains, and found myself some friction right away just to keep things exciting. haha By that I mean, I had been so focused on what God might be teaching me, that I really massively failed to be a minister of His grace to others. I got a little abrasively honest with more than a couple people and then wondered why they responded so poorly. I really am quite the genius some days. Feeling that I wasn't in the wrong because I was just being honest, I tried to walk it off, but when the situations wouldn't resolve, I finally asked God if He would put before my eyes whatever I was missing. I can't get over how much He is really listening and really truly answers prayers. I saw then the gracelessness of my words and actions, I saw a heart that had nothing in common with the compassion of Christ, the great Sympathizer, and I saw a spirit of pride rather than humility. When given a hard time, I returned it with giving the offender a hard time rather than seeking to give a blessing. Not that it's pleasant to be confronted with my failings, but it was actually a huge relief because then I knew what to surrender to the Lord, what to apologize for, and bonus: I witnessed another answered prayer! So onward towards reconciliation:)

I also have been blown away at how truly thankful I am for the job status change that initially discouraged me so much. So far I have had plenty of hours at work, and I have the added benefit of being able to say "no thanks" to any shift I want because I'm just a sub. Since nursing school does have times when it can be a little overwhelming, I am super thankful to always have this option available. I was a little nervous for a bit because, although August and October were/will be full of available hours, September had nothing. And then I received a refund from school that I didn't realize I would be getting, and once again I see that God really is taking care of all of my needs. It is so affirming that I am where God wants me to have Him so clearly providing.

There are more stories I could share, but they could pretty much be summed up as this - I am humbled and amazed that God would humor my ridiculous questions, but oh how He does! I've been learning to ask God more questions directly, and to listen more closely for His answer. And when He does answer, it's just so so cool.

The other day I was praying in the car, or rather, I was resisting praying and when I finally busted open with God, I felt like I should turn on the radio and the song that was playing basically finished my prayer for me and I was super encouraged. If you haven't listened to Steven Curtis Chapman's song "Long Way Home", do so:) It's a good'n. It just really resonated with me right then. Here's the youtube link and the lyrics below:

"Long Way Home"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l1p-QfgkLow

I set out on a great adventure
The day my Father started leading me home
He said there's gonna be some mountains to climb
And some valleys we're gonna go through

But I had no way of knowing
Just how hard this journey could be
Cause the valleys are deeper
And the mountains are steeper than I ever would have dreamed

But I know we're gonna make it
And I know we're gonna get there soon
And I know sometimes it feels like we're going the wrong way
But its just the long way home

I got some rocks in my shoes
Fears I wish I could lose
That make the mountains so hard to climb
And my heart gets so heavy with the weight of the world sometimes

There's a bag of regrets,
My should've beens, and not yets
I keep on dragging around
And I can hardly wait for the day I get to lay them all down

I know that day is coming
I know its gonna be here soon
And I won't turn back even if the whole world says I'm going the wrong way
Cause its just the long way home

When we can't take another step
The Father will pick us up and carry us in His arms
And even on the best days, He says to remember we're not home yet
So don't get too comfortable
Cause really all we are is just pilgrims passing through

Well, I know we're gonna make it
And I know we're gonna get there soon
So I keep on singing and believing
What all of my songs say

Cause our God has made a promise
And I know that everything He says is true
And I know wherever we go
He will never leave us
Cause He's gonna lead us home

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